Skip to main content

Morgana - Pigs Must Be Flying: reaching out to my estranged mother

estranged motherFriday I left a voice message for my estranged mother to tell her I love and appreciate her.

It took me four tries to build up the courage to speak to her answering machine.
This is my first communication to her in over a decade.
I told her that if she was open to it, I’d love to come by and give her a kiss goodbye before she moves across the country. Maybe even introduce her to my husband. And if she’s not open, that’s perfectly okay, too. I love her and wish her every happiness.
She hasn’t responded. And that’s okay. I didn’t expect anything.
I’ve heard for many years that she hates me. Growing up she called me a monster and a “minus.” She makes up fictions about me. And that’s why I stay away: self love and self-protection, not anger or animosity towards her.
It took me decades to finally realize that none of this has ever had anything to do with me. It’s her own pain. And it’s not my job or within my power to fix that (though I did save her life when she attempted suicide when I was 12).
So why did I leave that message and invitation to meet?

Because my own life is so love-filled and I can.

I made peace with the estrangement long, long ago. I don’t expect to be invited to her funeral. I don’t take any of it personally AT ALL. She doesn’t even know me. Which is why I can call and leave a message with zero attachment. This isn’t the “beginning” of the healing process: this is my proof to myself that it has already happened.
Which brings up the topic of Forgiveness, a concept that is often misunderstood and all too often re-victimizes victims.
Just like last week I said no one has the right to tell anybody else what they should be grateful for, I would advise to you run far away from anyone who tells you when you should forgive.
 
Forgiveness happens naturally when danger has passed.
These things we call “grudges” are really hyper-alertness to a perceived threat. It’s a natural and healthy act of self love to keep your guard up until you’re safe.
When the outside danger has passed, you are free to take the lesson and create safety on the INSIDE.
Eventually it all comes down to trusting yourself.
When you can look yourself in the mirror and trust yourself to be okay and to protect yourself better in the future, the people who hurt you become less relevant, less scary, and they get less attention.
They take their rightful place as spiritual teachers instead of villains.
Eventually you may notice little or no negative charge around that person, those events, that relationship. You’ve forgiven them their trespasses, and you’ve forgiven yourself your own trespasses… against yourself and them.
Focus on creating safety in your world.
Slay your monsters. Create a new relationship with life. Forgiveness will do itself as a result.
2017 has been a year of transitions–Grandma died, Dad moved to an Alzheimer’s facility back east, Mom is moving back east, I don’t recognize my own country–and I expect more transition to come.
In times like these I find my best response is to focus on everything I love in life and to ride the challenges like a surfer rides the waves. I’m sharing my process in case it’s helpful to you, too.
Progress, not perfection. One step at a time. Trust yourself.
Namaste,

The post Pigs Must Be Flying: reaching out to my estranged mother appeared first on Morgana Rae & Charmed Life Coaching, Inc..



via Morgana Rae & Charmed Life Coaching, Inc. http://ift.tt/2BhYSic
Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

How to Set Priorities Using the ABCDE Method - Brian Tracy

The more thought you invest into setting priorities before you begin a task, the faster you will get the important things done. The more important and valuable the task is to you, the more motivated you are to overcome procrastination and launch yourself into the job. William Matthews said,  “The first law of success is concentration – to bend all the energies to one point, and to go directly to that point, looking neither to the right or to the left.” Today, I want to share a method of time-management for setting priorities that I’ve been using for years, called the ABCDE method. FREE TIME MANAGEMENT TOOL: Download the ABCDE Checklist PDF The ABCDE Method The ABCDE Method is a powerful priority setting technique that you can use every single day. This technique is so simple and effective that it can make you one of the most efficient and effective people in your field. The ABCDE list is a to-do list on steroids when it comes to learning how to prioritize . The power of t...
Post a Comment
Read more

lynda - Jane Wurwand, Founder of Dermalogica, this week on Glambition Radio

Jane Wurwand is not only the founder of the #1 brand of skin care in the world, but she’s also changing women’s lives on a global level . I’m thrilled to have her as my guest on today’s episode of Glambition Radio . Jane (originally from the UK) and her husband launched their business back in 1983 in Marina del Rey, CA with $14,000, no bank loans and no investors. Today, Dermalogica boasts sales of more than $250,000 million a year and is sold in 86 countries around the world! It’s a true rags-to-riches story, and she tells all in our interview . What many people may not know about Jane is that she is also fighting to empower women all over the world. She founded FITE , Financial Independence Through Entrepreneurship, which invests in local grassroots initiatives to help women and girls become leaders . To date, her FITE program has helped fund more than 40,000 loans for women to start or grow businesses in over 65 countries! (Visit JoinFITE.org to see how you can get involved.) O...
Post a Comment
Read more

SMART Goals 101: Goal Setting Examples, Templates, and Tips - Brian Tracy

I think you’ll agree with me when I say: We’ve all heard that SMART goals are important . But a lot of people are left with questions about them, for example: What exactly are they? How do we use them correctly? Are they really contributing to your success? Here’s the deal: When it comes to achieving success, one of the most important steps that you can take is setting good goals. It is also important to recognize, though, that not all goals are created equal. In this article, we’ll take a look at a special class of goals called SMART goals and how you can use them to heighten your chances of success. FREE SUCCESS TOOL: Brian Tracy’s 14-Step-Goal-Setting Guide What is a Goal? A goal can be any objective that you set for yourself and push yourself to achieve. Sometimes that goal may be small (like waking up an hour earlier than you normally do) and sometimes it may be larger (like earning a promotion). But here’s the kicker: While having goals of all kinds is almost ...
Post a Comment
Read more