Skip to main content

Allana Pratt, Intimacy Expert - Dating Multiple People. Keep It Secret?

ronald-van-der-meulen-1232510_960_720

Q: When dating more than one person at a time, should you tell the other people or keep it to yourself until things become serious?

A: What a great question. I think in today’s dating scene it’s inherent that people are dating multiple partners. I think it’s expected and unspoken that people are dating multiple partners until the conversation of exclusivity arrives.

Now dating and sleeping together to me are two different subjects. I’m totally OK dating someone knowing they’re dating other people; but; I’m not personally OK sleeping with somebody knowing they’re sleeping with various people. My sexual health is very important to me and even though I practice safe sex with condoms, it still doesn’t allow me to surrender to the depth I desire for a sacred sexual communion, to know I am risking my sexual health and to know the depth of devotion of sexuality is being shared with other women beyond me.

Now that’s just me. I am not right or wrong, better or worse, this is just my truth. And frankly in my 20s my truth was different. I’m now in my mid to late 40s and this is what works for me.

So now the question becomes, what’s true for you? Does that work for you to sleep with multiple partners, having safe sex, and not communicate this with your partners? Does it work for you for them to do that to you? Or does it work for you to communicate about multiple sexual partners and how to have both safe sex and honoring journeys with these multiple partners?

What’s funny as I was dating multiple partners in the past, when I insisted we use a condom, some didn’t want to use a condom insisting I was the only one they were dating, yet I could clearly see from their online profile that they were quite active and so it weeded out the players from the committed. Others seem to desire me more knowing I was not exclusive making them want to get tested so that we could be exclusive sexual partners.

More recently after dating three gentlemen for about four months, I asked the universe to show me exactly who each partner was because frankly I was getting a little tired of juggling them all :-) It was a three night extravaganza of clarity that I wouldn’t miss from the universe :-)

Man 1: crash and burn- he made me wrong for having vulnerable emotions like shame… Adios amigo!!

Man 2: crash and burn- he made me wrong for having more sexual partners in my life then he had, insinuating I was some type of whore…$&@& you dude!

Man 3: he was present, kind, generous and fun… And I chose him to become exclusive with.

Careful what you ask for! XO

Thus my support for you would be to keep it secret that you’re dating other people because it’s assumed in today’s dating world.

However, if you are having sexual intercourse with more than one person I would, of course, recommend you have safe sex, but I would also personally recommend you communicate that you’re not sexually exclusive with somebody before having protected sex with them. That’s just my way of going about it, not good or bad, right or wrong, just what I personally would appreciate before sleeping with somebody.

However, if it feels expansive and light and honoring in your heart to have safe protected sex with multiple partners without telling them, I honor your decision. And when you’re ready to get to know somebody exclusively, a really great way to let the others go with dignity and kindness is to say something along the lines of:

“I’ve truly enjoyed and savored the time we’ve spent together. I feel ultimately we are not a match and I wouldn’t want to be in the way of you finding that special someone as you are truly magnificent. Thank you for all the time that we’ve shared and I wish you the best on your relationship journey.”

Depending on how much time you spent together I would have this conversation on the phone or in person, I never think a text or email suffices when you shared time with somebody with the possibility of love. I know that takes a hell of a lot more courage than simply playing it safe, yet courage is impressive and honor is sexy… and I know you have it in you!

A great product I’ve created for preparing yourself for dating and turning dates into experiences she’ll never forget, is my Scoring a Relationship two book/ two audiobook program which I think would be a great fit for you to take your dating to the next level.

scoringarelationship_3d

Bottom line, I love the nobility of your question and you seem like a great man and I wish you the best in finding a fabulous partner for a hot healthy long-term intimate relationship :-)

Allana

The post Dating Multiple People. Keep It Secret? appeared first on Allana Pratt.



via Allana Pratt http://ift.tt/24yKee3
Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

lynda - Jane Wurwand, Founder of Dermalogica, this week on Glambition Radio

Jane Wurwand is not only the founder of the #1 brand of skin care in the world, but she’s also changing women’s lives on a global level . I’m thrilled to have her as my guest on today’s episode of Glambition Radio . Jane (originally from the UK) and her husband launched their business back in 1983 in Marina del Rey, CA with $14,000, no bank loans and no investors. Today, Dermalogica boasts sales of more than $250,000 million a year and is sold in 86 countries around the world! It’s a true rags-to-riches story, and she tells all in our interview . What many people may not know about Jane is that she is also fighting to empower women all over the world. She founded FITE , Financial Independence Through Entrepreneurship, which invests in local grassroots initiatives to help women and girls become leaders . To date, her FITE program has helped fund more than 40,000 loans for women to start or grow businesses in over 65 countries! (Visit JoinFITE.org to see how you can get involved.) O
Post a Comment
Read more

SMART Goals 101: Goal Setting Examples, Templates, and Tips - Brian Tracy

I think you’ll agree with me when I say: We’ve all heard that SMART goals are important . But a lot of people are left with questions about them, for example: What exactly are they? How do we use them correctly? Are they really contributing to your success? Here’s the deal: When it comes to achieving success, one of the most important steps that you can take is setting good goals. It is also important to recognize, though, that not all goals are created equal. In this article, we’ll take a look at a special class of goals called SMART goals and how you can use them to heighten your chances of success. FREE SUCCESS TOOL: Brian Tracy’s 14-Step-Goal-Setting Guide What is a Goal? A goal can be any objective that you set for yourself and push yourself to achieve. Sometimes that goal may be small (like waking up an hour earlier than you normally do) and sometimes it may be larger (like earning a promotion). But here’s the kicker: While having goals of all kinds is almost
Post a Comment
Read more

bosanchez - The Bias of Fathers

One day, I was at a Christmas party. And parents were forcing their small kids to sing, bribing them with lollipops to banana splits to doll houses to Boracay vacations. One father — a friend of mine whose name I won’t divulge as it would be hazardous to my health — brought his little five-year-old daughter to the front. Because he even had a Minus One prepared, we thought, “She must really be a good singer.” So everyone clapped their hands and cheered as the music started. Then the five-year-old began to sing. Or at least made some kind of sharp noise.  But she didn’t get one key right. The cute little girl was absolutely tone deaf. From beginning to end, she sounded so awful, the experience was similar to having an endoscopy without the anesthesia. But the father was right beside me, still taking photos, still smiling from ear to ear, his eyes glued to his little daughter. He looked at me and smiled, “She may not sound right, but can you see how lovely she sways her hips?” Th
Post a Comment
Read more