Allana - How can husbands who are dads better communicate what they want from their wives?

Many moms are on empty, operating on fumes of giving too much and not taking Mom Time to replenish, unable to listen well, have healthy boundaries or ooze with confidence and sensuality. Thus Dads wanting to communicate and be heard by their wives need to support her in filling up. Watch the kids when she goes to yoga, and then hold her in bed and talk. Run her a bath while she’s putting the kids down and do the dishes while she soaks, then wrap your arms around her and talk.

What is a man really thinking that he doesn’t say?　

Most of my male Dad clients from around the globe are the same. They aren’t saying how unappreciated they feel. They have huge hearts, ashamed to reveal how hesitant and emasculated they feel, craving physical connection and timid to piss his wife off… again.　

What is the need behind the man cave?　

My male clients are go go go at work and once home are asked to go go go with the kids. (I know mom has been doing exactly the same!) He’s asking for transition time to let go of ‘battle one’ to fuel up for ‘battle two’, not that life is hell, but men tend to see life as problems to fix, challenges to overcome, wanting to save their woman, help her, be her hero.

If a husband/father could say what he was actually thinking, what would it be?

My male Dad clients tell ME exactly what they’re thinking- Why don’t you want to have sex with me? Don’t you appreciate that I’m out there in the world fighting battles for you? Why do you blow up at me, it freaks me out. Why aren’t you alive, sexy and radiant like you used to be? (and this is the biggy) Why don’t you make me a priority anymore? I feel unimportant, taken for granted.

I encourage moms and dads to remember that they are the seed of the family, the foundation. If they get shaky, the family can crumble. Take time and actions to connect and build your bond. Clients that coach with me for as little as 6 sessions report increased intimacy, joy, connection in their marriage, increased productivity around the house, increased income or promotions AND kids are better behaved… when mama (and papa) are happy… everybody’s happy.

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