Allana - Violated

A close friend wanted to say to her man what she really felt… yet every time they talked about it, they got into a fight.

She thought if he could read a poem, hear a guided mediation… from a third party… it might go in. She asked for my help.

Having supported her through this, I knew her heart, I know my heart, I know all women’s hearts…and I know men’s hearts, too….

So I wrote her this…

With deep love sisters, Allana

Violated

By Intimacy Expert, Allana Pratt

Pummeled.

Trust violated.

Kicked in the gut, life yanked out of me.

Can’t breathe, I’m in the underworld, I inhale fire.

Lies dissolving my heart like acid on flesh.

Trust is gone, I’ve been dropped… falling… falling…

YOU, my hero, have violated our sacred bond of trust… I feel discarded, like garbage, into the realm of the valueless, has-beens, used, useless….

My spirit dulled from color to black and white, my future from a bright pathway of sunshine and possibilities… to a horrid massive creaking metal door slamming shut my dreams with you.

I trusted you to be a good man, honest and forthright.

I trusted you that even if you were scared, uncomfortable or uncertain, you’d sit in the fire, handle your shit, come to me.

I trusted you to speak up, ask for what you wanted, co create a life that worked for us.

I fucking bragged about you! How humiliating…

Livid, disgusted, horrified… and now disheartened that you are not as strong as I thought you were, not as bold, courageous, kind or caring as I thought you were… like finding out OZ from behind the curtain or seeing a noble fireman rescue a cat from a tree, only to see him kick a dog to the curb as he leaves…

You were my whole life, we were a team.

You buoyed me up, the banks of my river, the pole to my flag, the arms around me so I would never fall, the belief that come what may, you’d be there… and you’ve lied, broken trust and even cheated… you have let me down, my heart, my soul. How could you?

How can you pretend to be a man, knowing you are weak, cowardly, secretive, knifing, dishonoring and powerless… acting like a boy impotent against your own emotions, with no integrity, no solidity behind your word, no nobility flowing through your veins…

How could I be so stupid to live in hope and fantasy and not see the reality of you? Perhaps I loved your potential, who you could be, but who you aren’t.

What’s miraculous is that through all this pain, I’ve cried and fumed, yet deepened my Self Love, forgiven myself where I was in denial and strengthened my trust in my feminine intuition. Whether you violated our trust or not, I know am a phenomenal woman.

I love you so much. Yet until you show up as a man, honor your own word to yourself, strengthen your capacity to live boldly, courageously, honestly and truthfully…develop the capacity to stand in the center of the storm and not shrink back, unwaveringly commit to honoring your word to me above all else without fail…

…can I ever trust you again… I have forgiven, yet I have not forgetten. Now with eyes open and instinct alert, I sense it’s not safe to surrender again.

You haven’t stepped up.

Breaking trust is unacceptable.

Saying sorry isn’t enough.

Making it better through your own development as a man is the only possibility.

Unless you literally become a man of impeccable presence and undeniable trust, will you ever have the capacity to claim, adore, cherish and receive the gift of me as your woman.

Anything is possible.

I release all judgment, let the past go.

I bask in the pure awareness of what I’m worth.

I welcome the growth required for you to have me back.

The choice is yours.

By Intimacy Expert, Allana Pratt

p.s. what did you feel from reading this?

What did it stir in you?

Would love to hear your thoughts.

Delicious tender love, Allana

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