Question: My wife isn’t a very affectionate woman and I have come to accept that with hope maybe she will change over time. 11 years later and she still gets really uncomfortable if I try to cuddle with her, hold her hand, or sit next to her. What gives?
Answer: Holy holy you have been patient my friend! I truly honor you for how much you love your wife and your willingness to stay open and hope that she will change over time.
And yet in the same breath, it sounds like you have been going without your needs being met for over a decade, yes? That’s got to be draining, debilitating and potentially brewing with resentment… or looking elsewhere for touch?
Has some trauma occurred where her body was violated and she’s never done the work to heal? Did she grow up in a strictly religious family where touch was shamed? Did something happen early on in your marriage where trust was broken? Do you have the hands of a gorilla? KIDDING
Please continue to not judge her and stay curious and open to what it would take for the two of you to enjoy sacred tender honoring loving touch in such a way that would nourish both of your souls and deep in intimacy together!?
Have conversations with her about this very question.
I sense that some spiritual counseling with myself is in order here so that we can change this with unconditional love, non-judgment and a totally sacred honoring approach to physical intimacy… moving slowly at a pace that works for both of you to develop trust, respect and beautiful physical connection.
There are different forms of love that people prefer, be it touch, words, gifts. So it’s very possible that you two are mismatched in this department and yet in my opinion from a place of fullness and choice, we choose to give from the overflow a gift to our partner in a way that works for them, not out of obligation and emptiness, but a gift from the overflow of our loving self. Knowing the difference we make with our partner and seeing their delight is often the biggest gift of all that we can receive in return
Please apply for a complementary strategy session at http://ift.tt/21Q9ufU where the three of us will talk about what’s possible, where you are, and how we will close the gap with respect, honor, safety and delight 
11 years is enough. More than enough. Anything is possible. Let’s change this with honor, tenderness and the most beautiful intimate connection possible for you and your wife.
Great love,
Allana xoxo
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