Skip to main content

Morgana - Healthy Helping without Hurting Yourself

Morgana in TreeIf you’re somebody who has an urge–even a compulsion–to help others, this article is for you.

Because sometimes that impulse to help backfires and blows up in our face.

You’ve noticed that, haven’t you?

Variations on this theme have come up over and over in recent coaching calls.

Healthy helping can be a real challenge. I’ve been having this conversation all week with coaches, parents, artists, entrepreneurs, and tech company CEOs.

Especially as we move deeper into living lives focused on Love and Legacy, this question comes up more and more: “How do I help others without hurting myself?”

Unhealthy helping feels terrible. That’s how we know it’s unhealthy. Perhaps you feel used, burnt out, taken advantage of, or without choice… as if you have to sacrifice your own well-being or be a bad person.

Ick! Ick! Ick!

This dynamic totally sucks. And your “Money Honey” doesn’t dig it either.

Remember, nothing is more attractive to all forms of abundance than authentic self-love and self-care, and harming yourself is not loving!

Here’s my quick-and-easy tip for staying in the healthy zone when helping…

Ask yourself: “Am I helping, or am I rescuing?”

There is a difference.

Helping comes from a place of love and respect. We don’t do the work for another person. We don’t deprive them of their life lessons. But we do invest (time/attention/effort/resources) to assist in their expression of their full potential.

Rescuing feels different. There’s less respect for the resourcefulness of the other person. Rescuing is more fear driven. Either we fear the other is not capable, or we fear we won’t be loved or won’t be a good person if we don’t do their work for them, or protect them from the consequences of their actions… Often it feels like we don’t have a choice. In the end we’re stealing another person’s learning experience. That’s why I call this “unhealthy helping.”

How to Recover from Unhealthy Helping

1. Forgiveness.
If you helped in an unhealthy way and you’re feeling burned as a result, forgive yourself first. We humans are remarkably capable of beating ourselves up when we’re feeling down.
Forgive yourself for not setting better boundaries. Forgive and love yourself! And thank the other person (in your mind) for teaching you a valuable lesson about taking better care of yourself.

2. Pleasure.
Double down on self care! Take a bath, get a massage, take a walk, go to yoga class, dance, paint… do whatever it is that gets YOU in your body and in your pleasure. (Post ideas in the comments section below.) For my women clients I tell them to “activate their Aphrodite”–that feminine archetype of pleasure, beauty, self-care, and receptivity. Allow yourself to RECEIVE.

3. Master the art of saying No.
For one week, make “no” your default response to requests. Count how many times you can say no daily, and reward yourself:

  • Say it to 1 request today and you get a reward.
  • Say it to 5 requests today and you get a bigger reward.

No is a complete sentence. It needs no explanation or justification. You can be a good person and say no. You can be loved and say no. Just exercise that muscle and see.

Ultimately helping is essential. No one succeeded in anything, including getting born, without help. We don’t want to stop helping! Instead, we want to protect that impulse to help by setting your own healthy boundaries, first.



via Morgana Rae & Charmed Life Coaching, Inc. http://ift.tt/2asOsPu
Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

lynda - Jane Wurwand, Founder of Dermalogica, this week on Glambition Radio

Jane Wurwand is not only the founder of the #1 brand of skin care in the world, but she’s also changing women’s lives on a global level . I’m thrilled to have her as my guest on today’s episode of Glambition Radio . Jane (originally from the UK) and her husband launched their business back in 1983 in Marina del Rey, CA with $14,000, no bank loans and no investors. Today, Dermalogica boasts sales of more than $250,000 million a year and is sold in 86 countries around the world! It’s a true rags-to-riches story, and she tells all in our interview . What many people may not know about Jane is that she is also fighting to empower women all over the world. She founded FITE , Financial Independence Through Entrepreneurship, which invests in local grassroots initiatives to help women and girls become leaders . To date, her FITE program has helped fund more than 40,000 loans for women to start or grow businesses in over 65 countries! (Visit JoinFITE.org to see how you can get involved.) O
Post a Comment
Read more

SMART Goals 101: Goal Setting Examples, Templates, and Tips - Brian Tracy

I think you’ll agree with me when I say: We’ve all heard that SMART goals are important . But a lot of people are left with questions about them, for example: What exactly are they? How do we use them correctly? Are they really contributing to your success? Here’s the deal: When it comes to achieving success, one of the most important steps that you can take is setting good goals. It is also important to recognize, though, that not all goals are created equal. In this article, we’ll take a look at a special class of goals called SMART goals and how you can use them to heighten your chances of success. FREE SUCCESS TOOL: Brian Tracy’s 14-Step-Goal-Setting Guide What is a Goal? A goal can be any objective that you set for yourself and push yourself to achieve. Sometimes that goal may be small (like waking up an hour earlier than you normally do) and sometimes it may be larger (like earning a promotion). But here’s the kicker: While having goals of all kinds is almost
Post a Comment
Read more

bosanchez - The Bias of Fathers

One day, I was at a Christmas party. And parents were forcing their small kids to sing, bribing them with lollipops to banana splits to doll houses to Boracay vacations. One father — a friend of mine whose name I won’t divulge as it would be hazardous to my health — brought his little five-year-old daughter to the front. Because he even had a Minus One prepared, we thought, “She must really be a good singer.” So everyone clapped their hands and cheered as the music started. Then the five-year-old began to sing. Or at least made some kind of sharp noise.  But she didn’t get one key right. The cute little girl was absolutely tone deaf. From beginning to end, she sounded so awful, the experience was similar to having an endoscopy without the anesthesia. But the father was right beside me, still taking photos, still smiling from ear to ear, his eyes glued to his little daughter. He looked at me and smiled, “She may not sound right, but can you see how lovely she sways her hips?” Th
Post a Comment
Read more